A pervasive problem keeps rearing its ugly head in today’s society… kids with severe social problems are taking extreme measures to make their points. Why is this happening so often these days???
Many of these kids were shunned or bullied by their peers and grew up without any friends. Some of these kids were so shy that they’d stare at the ground rather than make eye contact. Many became resentful about the bullying or teasing they endured and were forced to develop pastimes other than hanging out with friends.
Less fortunate kids often developed unhealthy interests. Maybe they started drinking or taking drugs? Other kids vented their pent-up anger and anxiety through violent video games. Still other social misfits experienced lives of peer rejection and became severely depressed.
How do these angry, socially inappropriate kids solve their problems when they grow up? Rather than throwing little temper tantrums, they often seek revenge in their attempts to return the suffering, humiliation and pain they have been forced to endure. Frightened parents and proactive politicians have proposed solutions ranging from counseling to gun control.
Maybe the Answer is Prevention?
Could early social thinking intervention possibly prevent these problems? By teaching these kids to read social cues and respond appropriately to peers, could we prevent socially awkward preschoolers from becoming angry, frustrated teenagers and dysfunctional, violent adults?
How old were these misfits when their social problems began to surface? Many would guess junior high when hormones are raging, and kids are agonizing over their growth spurts, bad complexions and social cliques. Surprising as it may seem, social problems begin much earlier – as early as preschool. It is during preschool that children first learn to play cooperatively with others. They are expected to share their toys, take turns and line up without cutting in front of one another. They are expected to compromise and negotiate to solve problems.
Melissa was on a Negative Trajectory
Melissa had communication difficulties from the start! She spent the first year of her life in a Russian orphanage, where she probably received minimal social interaction and spent a good deal of her time crying for attention.
At age one, she had the good fortune to be adopted by a lovely family. They loved her, met her basic needs, lavished her with toys and clothes and nourished her soul.
But Melissa had a communication delay. She was speaking only in nouns and verbs, which made her speech difficult to understand. And when people didn’t understand her, she became upset. She resorted to crying or making herself sick to her stomach. Then all the attention would go to Melissa’s breakdown, and she would be rewarded for her temper tantrum when her parents/teachers/therapists doted on her and bent over backwards to find out what was wrong.
Those behaviors became Melissa’s learned reactions to stress. Not only did she employ these behaviors when adults didn’t understand her, she used them in response to peer conflicts as well.
Preschool Social Thinking Turned Melissa Around
Melissa’s parents enrolled her in our preschool social thinking group. She was grouped with two other preschoolers, and they learned what behaviors are expected in a group, starting with keeping their bodies, eyes and brains in the group. If they did the expected, others would react positively to them and they, in turn, would feel positive about themselves.
If they did the unexpected – like wander around the room, look out the window, or talk about wacky things – others would have weird reactions to them and find another playmate.
Another part of Melissa’s social thinking group was learning to negotiate and share. The preschoolers learned to compromise during activities like sharing a single pair of scissors to complete an art project or waiting in line for a cup of water.
Melissa has been in her social thinking group for 2 months now. We haven’t seen a single temper tantrum in the last month. She uses language instead of tears or tantrums to express her desires. She is learning great social thinking skills!
Can you imagine how much smoother it will be for Melissa in kindergarten now? Her team is reversing some negative social behaviors. If all goes well, Melissa should have these skills for life.
If you know a child who is being bullied, getting into fights on the playground or displaying other socially inappropriate behaviors, call us at 858.509.1131. We can help these kids at any age, but the earlier the better.
Kids who learn to play cooperatively in the sandbox should have these skills for life.